Ever had a hatred that consumes you? When it doesn’t matter about how it contrasts to other’s hatreds ;when each case is subjective to the person who brews it.
Reasons. Evidence. Battle.
Betrayal, manipulation, lies, jealousy, attention seeking, loss, competition, envy, worry, anxiety.
One that makes your blood halt in your veins as ever particle of you wants to submit to that animal instinct to attack. To fight back. To protect what you have and in these twisted modern days to protect what you have seamlessly created. Whether that be emotions, relationships, work, pride, ego.
All treasured perhaps because each are so tempting to be stolen through conjured spirits in the form of playground rumours. Playground rumours as destroying as years of relationships burnt. Torn through as memories left fluttering flakes on the wind blowing to some forgotten, barren land.
One that makes you feel more capable than ever before, makes you stand taller, breath deeper. When the surety of your hatred is stitched into every bloodstream, every twitching muscle, providing a defensive snarling barrier on the outside of your heart. Stocking the fire that drives you onward.
One that makes you silent. In fear of your passion or in protection of others who bear a different branch of opinion. Through respect of those relationships you try to cling onto with tissue paper fingers. Growing weaker and weaker as watery hatred weights you down ounce by ounce.
Or one that makes you calm. One that affirms your beliefs and makes you rational in other similar situations that have a copying echo. An imposter on your feelings. An imposter that you are able to pick out in the maze. A spot the difference if you like ,on a much larger scale. This time gambling on the balancers of life.
Or the one that grinds you down. One that takes your once pure bones that formed a thing of beauty and bared the awe of thousands in its complexity. Now is weak. Your transcendent skeleton turned permeable. Letting parts of your sanity, selfhood, serenity, soul, flutter away like dust. Your once strong safe barrier guiding you on like a ship dancing merrily in a storm. Now your holey skeleton gasps for breath as it sinks further down into an unwanted, in-thought about land. An inverse legacy left.
All are consuming. All are deadly. All are toxic and poisonous.
But ALL are SURVIVABLE.
Thanks for reading guys, I know it’s not the classic new year post about a ‘new me’ and all that crap ( although there is one of those to come aha) but it’s what I felt at the time and sometimes letting things out is the best way to go about it. But my promise to stop bottling is showing here and I’m happy with that.
xXx STTS xXx